Kind of bored sitting at home right now, done with the book and looking for another set to finish,i guess writing blog is something fun to do, i guess, Do you ever had the feeling that life's really start at 30, well i did and not seeing it in any pretty pictures yet, i'm not the person whom believes in those superstitious things but after a series of misfortune i'm in makes u wanna think twice,
The start of the year of thought to be one of the glorious year yet it turns to be quite miserable inside, end up with knee surgery that prevents you from running and change to another department (which the boss i hated so much) , aiya i'm practically filled with negative energy now, trying so hard to make a smile, pushing this mind so hard till the sinaps snaps...to move on, to take the baby steps, its so hard kan, this will be an inspiration for me to rise up again.
May be ini adalah pembalasan Tuhan terhadap hambanya sebagai pembalasan, pasrah terhadap apa yang berlaku tidak dapat mengubah kenyataan, di mana sengsara hidup seseorang itu tidak akan berubah sehingga manusia itu keluar dari lubuk dengan usahanya, this series of misfortune could be due to the crimes i did in the past- for running away from problems, making good of myself, fostering broken ties, may be its not enough to mend the calamity, i wonder how do people went through tough times such as those at Haiti and Palestine, what am i to compare to those,
Ebullient will be an oblivion for now, it is destined in our faith to be what we are, some may be lucky some may just had to be miserable, top scientist never had sounded mind albeit their creations revolutionize established civilization,
Though it is hard, but these series of incidents makes want to think twice of every big step in your life..could this be the last...
I will not bow to this thinking anymore, i had worked so hard to reach this far, should i just wasted it away, this misfortunes could be the only thing i need for some reflections of the past, the wrongdoings that you might had thought it settled. Should this get worse i would not give up on hope and keep on trying till i reached my goal, my misfortunes will be the thing in the past, crying as i am now would not turn back time and makes things better. Praying so hard that to This fragile soul gasping for an air of ebullient which now seems lost is strong.........being a runner , knowing that the wall will hit , it just a matter of mind over the body...shall the soul of mine be as good as the body.....in time....
Rise of the ashes....at the moment let's enjoy this ,period
Setiap musibah ada hikmahnya.....
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Recovery stage : Physio and Boredome
I'm guessing u must had wonder, why am i still writing a blog? Well for a start i was kind of bored sitting around having nothing to do resting at home, today is the first day i started my physio, they scheduled me 10 sessions, which the first was done this morning,....is better than doing nothing at home without any net connections...and i can't do any physical workout without the doctor's permission,...ouch...sedentary again....
I took on walking as my daily routine exercise, yeah...it brought me to nearest mall, Wangsa Walk...bought myself a new story book, what else to u expect me to do...kan...well a good book will always works for me...apart from watching the every football matches on ESPN, Astrosupersport, etc...criticizing every player macam ler aku ni bagus sgt...plus every korean soap drama that my mother loves so much since i hold the remote for the rest of the day...sedentary paradise i am in.....
Back to the physio, the session today started with some Q&A session with a trainee physio from some private nursing college....yadi yada yadi yada....then he made four marks at the painful parts around the knee, then he put on this suction cups with electrods in the middle injecting small direct current into the muscle...felt like somebody is massaging your leg without hands... then he moves on with an ultrasound...massaging at the painful points he just marked...some measurements were taken after the session .
Measurement of the degree of knee bend, taken on both knees, the right knee was at 130 degree and the left knee about 110 degree angle....not as much as the right though it should be the same, keep on exercising the leg....we moved on to the stationary bike, i did 15 minute and i did not felt any pain on the left knee..., mm maybe it does works...or else back to the surgery room i guess.....waaahhh...my therapist said that i could do stationary bike as my cardio but no running yet (stern voice) ....'
We (me and my therapist) had a chat on my conditions, that my ligament was torn and it was reconditioned therefore it is very hard, generation of the ligament would take at least 6 months, ouch...if its snaps..could more than that....ouch....better focus on getting better...now....but the eagerness in getting back into running still burns with myself...mmm need to find something to move this thought...a bike...mm looking very hard it right now...
That's it for now, thank your very much for the words of encouragement...and last but not least...
Happy Training To All
I took on walking as my daily routine exercise, yeah...it brought me to nearest mall, Wangsa Walk...bought myself a new story book, what else to u expect me to do...kan...well a good book will always works for me...apart from watching the every football matches on ESPN, Astrosupersport, etc...criticizing every player macam ler aku ni bagus sgt...plus every korean soap drama that my mother loves so much since i hold the remote for the rest of the day...sedentary paradise i am in.....
Back to the physio, the session today started with some Q&A session with a trainee physio from some private nursing college....yadi yada yadi yada....then he made four marks at the painful parts around the knee, then he put on this suction cups with electrods in the middle injecting small direct current into the muscle...felt like somebody is massaging your leg without hands... then he moves on with an ultrasound...massaging at the painful points he just marked...some measurements were taken after the session .
Measurement of the degree of knee bend, taken on both knees, the right knee was at 130 degree and the left knee about 110 degree angle....not as much as the right though it should be the same, keep on exercising the leg....we moved on to the stationary bike, i did 15 minute and i did not felt any pain on the left knee..., mm maybe it does works...or else back to the surgery room i guess.....waaahhh...my therapist said that i could do stationary bike as my cardio but no running yet (stern voice) ....'
We (me and my therapist) had a chat on my conditions, that my ligament was torn and it was reconditioned therefore it is very hard, generation of the ligament would take at least 6 months, ouch...if its snaps..could more than that....ouch....better focus on getting better...now....but the eagerness in getting back into running still burns with myself...mmm need to find something to move this thought...a bike...mm looking very hard it right now...
That's it for now, thank your very much for the words of encouragement...and last but not least...
Happy Training To All
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Recovery stage
I could not believe it myself that i really did it, the fear among all runners , knee surgery..well i can't avoid it anymore, it could be worst if it is left unattended, it is highly recommended by the specialist , hopefully he's right about this, cause i'm running out of options/potions for running....injury free
Here how the days started, it is 23 March 2010, at 10 am i was being towed by the nurse to the OT room, yikes, i did my fasting starting from 9.00 am the day before fuhh, The first feeling of entre to the OT , siad to myself ,Oh my God! what had i put myself into?...yikes.. the heart is beating fast, gazing and looking at the surgical instruments laying around u , just gave u the creeps...plus it is supercool inside there, i'm practical freezing with fear and coldness, waahh.. i took the Local Anesthetic instead, cause i want to be awake to witness..mmm is it a bad idea,,,,well sort of...hahah...but it was every educational ones indeed....the local anesthetic went through by spinal..i.e. u can say it is epidural , it is when the specialist injects the anesthetics through your spine...ouch kind of gerun that time..the "what if" thoughts are flowing through mind like craazy...mane lar tahu if i am the one in a million yang tersilap ke...ngucap banyak banyak..mane lar tahu senget sebelah ke...huaaahhhh.......
After the anesthetic kicks in, i did not feel a thing waist below, i heard the doctor coming in and greeted all the OT nurses then me, and the next minute i looked at the monitor weyy a picture of a knee...inside of it..opps he was already in, he opted for laparoscope or they called it 'scope' for short, two incisions were made at my left knee one for the camera and another for the works....
The doctor was so kind to explained to me everything that he did at the time, wow., surreal experience watching a live knee in action, they snap a few pics, may be later i upload it, for educational purposes..when the doctor mentioned to me that it was mechanical problems, well yar....heheheh i got the first hand lesson of my knee, it was quite hollow....i can see my knee bones the two head going downs, he showed to me the painful parts, on the right side of the knee is caused by the upper bone at distal femoral condoyle is rubbing against the tibia, there are some bruises on the lower meniscus which can't be seen in the MRI, some bone trimmings is done on the upper part of it, then he moves on to the patella, it was diagnosed from the MRI to be lopesided or kind of hard on the left sidehe removes like web kind of things by burning the excess tissues.
The crucial part that makes me worry much is the posterior cruciate ligament , the one's that connected the to the tibia at the back, He briefly explained that its not as flex (sudah hilang kekenyalan) i guess it must had lost it from the many uphill runs kot...hehehe, heated the ligament to shrink the collagen and walla its tight again...but too tight that means i had a brand new spring which is yet to be conditions..the surgery went alright..i was towed back to my room.....
The first few hours after anesthetic, u are not allowed to eat or even move (rules of the thumb 6 hours), especially when it involves spinal, cause the after effect could be quite detrimental after few years,,,prolong back pain...yikes...i was practically starving from the late night fasting...pergggg...after three hour , i was given a chance to have a sip of water,..i almost forgot that i still cant move my legs if i where to eat n drinks then the toilet moves will be quite a hassle therefore better refrained myself owing to the thought, hahaha, the real pains started to sink in very badly after the anesthetic went out, i was practically crying and crouching on the bed, the pain was unbearable, i can't sleep and i can't walk, the pain killer tooks a while to kicks in too, wow...what a bloody pain it was....
The pains slowly subside and now i am doing some physio plus an orthopedic knee brace was placed on my knee set at 60 degree, huhuhu, the docs says i could get back into running after a month depends on my recovery stage, but he only mentioned joging, i guess long distance running still out of the question ler ...expecting a miracle...we''ll wait and see ler...
Happy Training To All....
Here how the days started, it is 23 March 2010, at 10 am i was being towed by the nurse to the OT room, yikes, i did my fasting starting from 9.00 am the day before fuhh, The first feeling of entre to the OT , siad to myself ,Oh my God! what had i put myself into?...yikes.. the heart is beating fast, gazing and looking at the surgical instruments laying around u , just gave u the creeps...plus it is supercool inside there, i'm practical freezing with fear and coldness, waahh.. i took the Local Anesthetic instead, cause i want to be awake to witness..mmm is it a bad idea,,,,well sort of...hahah...but it was every educational ones indeed....the local anesthetic went through by spinal..i.e. u can say it is epidural , it is when the specialist injects the anesthetics through your spine...ouch kind of gerun that time..the "what if" thoughts are flowing through mind like craazy...mane lar tahu if i am the one in a million yang tersilap ke...ngucap banyak banyak..mane lar tahu senget sebelah ke...huaaahhhh.......
After the anesthetic kicks in, i did not feel a thing waist below, i heard the doctor coming in and greeted all the OT nurses then me, and the next minute i looked at the monitor weyy a picture of a knee...inside of it..opps he was already in, he opted for laparoscope or they called it 'scope' for short, two incisions were made at my left knee one for the camera and another for the works....
The doctor was so kind to explained to me everything that he did at the time, wow., surreal experience watching a live knee in action, they snap a few pics, may be later i upload it, for educational purposes..when the doctor mentioned to me that it was mechanical problems, well yar....heheheh i got the first hand lesson of my knee, it was quite hollow....i can see my knee bones the two head going downs, he showed to me the painful parts, on the right side of the knee is caused by the upper bone at distal femoral condoyle is rubbing against the tibia, there are some bruises on the lower meniscus which can't be seen in the MRI, some bone trimmings is done on the upper part of it, then he moves on to the patella, it was diagnosed from the MRI to be lopesided or kind of hard on the left sidehe removes like web kind of things by burning the excess tissues.
The crucial part that makes me worry much is the posterior cruciate ligament , the one's that connected the to the tibia at the back, He briefly explained that its not as flex (sudah hilang kekenyalan) i guess it must had lost it from the many uphill runs kot...hehehe, heated the ligament to shrink the collagen and walla its tight again...but too tight that means i had a brand new spring which is yet to be conditions..the surgery went alright..i was towed back to my room.....
The first few hours after anesthetic, u are not allowed to eat or even move (rules of the thumb 6 hours), especially when it involves spinal, cause the after effect could be quite detrimental after few years,,,prolong back pain...yikes...i was practically starving from the late night fasting...pergggg...after three hour , i was given a chance to have a sip of water,..i almost forgot that i still cant move my legs if i where to eat n drinks then the toilet moves will be quite a hassle therefore better refrained myself owing to the thought, hahaha, the real pains started to sink in very badly after the anesthetic went out, i was practically crying and crouching on the bed, the pain was unbearable, i can't sleep and i can't walk, the pain killer tooks a while to kicks in too, wow...what a bloody pain it was....
The pains slowly subside and now i am doing some physio plus an orthopedic knee brace was placed on my knee set at 60 degree, huhuhu, the docs says i could get back into running after a month depends on my recovery stage, but he only mentioned joging, i guess long distance running still out of the question ler ...expecting a miracle...we''ll wait and see ler...
Happy Training To All....
Monday, March 22, 2010
Pre Knee Surgery
I can't say that i was not warned before i joined this kind of activities but as the adrenaline pump'in u are so high on the adventure ride of your lifetime, yup the verdict is in Doc said i need a minor corrective knee surgery, yikes...and i'll be off god knows ...hopefully not for long, doc said i could run again..well.. provided that i take good care of my knee,
I always wonder why is it have to be me yer???...I'm always the first to everything..especially the wrong things ler....kind of used to it pulak...geram pun ade ...sedih pun ade ...at the moment...it is mix of everything hopefully it will not be down the drain for good....I guess Nadia's is right sometimes it just not meant to be u....
hahah ...seram sejuk ni...Doc said it will be a minor surgery using laproscope, non invasive type, He suspected that i had minor torn ligament and displacement of the patella meniscus, some bone trimmings will be done...yikes...what had i put myself into....macam macm thoughts ler i coming through my head right now...like would i able to run again like normal or not at all.....
Sob ..sob ...sob her...wish me luck for tomorrow's surgery....
I always wonder why is it have to be me yer???...I'm always the first to everything..especially the wrong things ler....kind of used to it pulak...geram pun ade ...sedih pun ade ...at the moment...it is mix of everything hopefully it will not be down the drain for good....I guess Nadia's is right sometimes it just not meant to be u....
hahah ...seram sejuk ni...Doc said it will be a minor surgery using laproscope, non invasive type, He suspected that i had minor torn ligament and displacement of the patella meniscus, some bone trimmings will be done...yikes...what had i put myself into....macam macm thoughts ler i coming through my head right now...like would i able to run again like normal or not at all.....
Sob ..sob ...sob her...wish me luck for tomorrow's surgery....
Monday, March 1, 2010
Sundown Marathon, State of preparations
13 weeks left before the event, i had not been banking any milage since my injuries in January, Shits...would it be enough to start training this April only if my knee is fully healed, hopefullly it will, for the past two days i had been power walking for 6 km around Lake Titiwangsa,
I can't help it ler, the Adrenalin is pushing me to take the road instead, well this time i pay extra attention to my pacing ,not to go into joging pace and Alhamdulilah i did not felt any pain at the usual spot that is my left leg bicep tendon, what a relief there, well i'm not giving it any "go" signals for running however there are time when i felt some of the hip muscles pull on both sides, yikes...maybe its too early....hehe signed of relieved that now i can walk and power walk injury free, ...huhuh one step ahead..
But what worries me most is that 42 k i'll be doing in May, yikes...kalau x boleh lari ..aku power walk all the way jer lar....nampaknya...Kiasu ler i ni, nak masuk jugak...x nak lepaskan bib...
Sometimes i wished that i knew that this is coming but there is a quote i just read from the book "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" , U dont know the peak till u reached the lower valley, part of learning to reach for something is to endured the downside of it,...
Happy Training to all of u
I can't help it ler, the Adrenalin is pushing me to take the road instead, well this time i pay extra attention to my pacing ,not to go into joging pace and Alhamdulilah i did not felt any pain at the usual spot that is my left leg bicep tendon, what a relief there, well i'm not giving it any "go" signals for running however there are time when i felt some of the hip muscles pull on both sides, yikes...maybe its too early....hehe signed of relieved that now i can walk and power walk injury free, ...huhuh one step ahead..
But what worries me most is that 42 k i'll be doing in May, yikes...kalau x boleh lari ..aku power walk all the way jer lar....nampaknya...Kiasu ler i ni, nak masuk jugak...x nak lepaskan bib...
Sometimes i wished that i knew that this is coming but there is a quote i just read from the book "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" , U dont know the peak till u reached the lower valley, part of learning to reach for something is to endured the downside of it,...
Happy Training to all of u
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